So while on muscle relaxers and a sizable dose of melatonin, me trying to sleep yesterday led to some very annoying brain games. Sort of a funky daydreaming weird thing here, a bit different.
I’m currently playing through FFXIII, this is important.
So, for many years now I get this horrible pain in my chest and shoulders for no real known reason, most likely a nerve issue- But anyways, the pain makes it hard to sleep because, well, breathing is very painful. Leaves me more gasping for air in between dealing with ouchies instead of breathing. So, in this, I was kind of wavering in and out of being awake and aware and in this endless hypnagogic state where my mind started to… This is hard to explain- Without me willingly doing this, gave the pain a visualization in my mind. Like, it applied the pain to something else…? Like uh, I forgot what it’s called, but like the idea in hypnosis or therapy where a person visualizes stress into a substance that they then dissipate, and it dissipates with that. Like say a draining body of water or something, where the water is the pain/stress.
Anyways- Instead of just dealing with the reality of the pain until I got used to it, there was this uncontrollable envisioning of the pain as class in my very own crystarium. My brain attributed the pain as an evolution, and as I watched this continue to level up, the pain became less and less prevalent and more a partner to my self. More, harmony, as it grew. My character when in this class had to deal with recoil, or the pain, however was very effective in all other areas. The pain was like a balance to the class, and as it leveled up not only did I physically feel less pain and fell deeper into sleep, but the chuuni vision of RPG me also received less recoil while maintaining great capabilities.
I guess what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger? It was a trip and also annoying because I was aware of what my mind was doing, as well as the fact that it was so heavily influenced by what I’ve been doing. I could purposefully force myself to not let it go on, but the instant I stopped focusing on it it went right back to continuing this weird autonomic journey. There were a lot more parts to it that I don’t recall- Nonexistent dialogue made up to explain the process by faceless characters in my own nonexistent party that all more or less left it at ‘this role is necessary to getting better’.