Having played both and given them similar overall ratings, I’d say that both have their strong and weak points. Having read Totono first, my gut reaction was that DDLC was just Totono lite, but now that I’ve had a few months to digest both games, I think that despite their superficial similarities and shared meta commentary , the points that both games are trying to make are different.
To me, Totono was much more focused on calling out the “infidelity” aspect that comes with most romance visual novels, where you’re expected to go after multiple girls. That’s why in the end of the game, you’re forced to choose only one of the girls, with no option to reload and see the other ending (unless you play through the entire thing a second time and delete your data), and why the game only punishes you after you try financing the second girl.
Meanwhile, DDLC doesn’t touch on that quite as much (although it is mentioned), but instead seems to criticize how modern VN players don’t quite view the girls in their games as full-fledged human beings. That’s why Monika is the only “real” girl there.
In the end, which message comes off more strongly comes down to personal preference. I thought that DDLC had the better presentation, but Totono had the better characters. Like I said, strengths and weaknesses.