The announcement of Kazamatsuri closing had hit me pretty hard. From that moment, everything seemed pointless and I became an unstable mess. It was like depression had come back with reinforcements and boy did it kick my ass.
I knew I had to write an open letter and put all I had into it. But instead of a perfect wall of text, my notes only resembled the pathetic wailings of a big baby. I just wanted to run away, so I did. I acted like it’s business as usual on the chat. Distracted myself with games. I procrastinated, as I always do with unpleasant tasks. All so I wouldn’t have to face this sadness just yet. Sorry it took me so long to reply ^^’
Five years ago, when I joined the forum, I knew this place was special right away. Why? Because I didn’t have to scroll past a bunch of spam, waifu wars, trolling and arguing to find a deep and meaningful post. People were talking with, not at or past each other and they were freely sharing their passions and feelings with others instead of making fun of them. Almost every post contained something new and insightful. A discussion paradise. So I decided to do all I could to keep it that way. Ironically, in my early days, I was so aggressive about it that while trying to keep the bad things away, I occasionally became the worst thing on this site. I pushed my values onto others and got angry with members whose posts were not “serious” enough. I used to butt heads with @Kanon all the time (I’m truly thankful for the experience, though) since we were - and probably still are - polar opposites. My antics earned me two out of three strikes, meaning I was close to getting kicked from the site.
Kazamatsuri is where I could do what I loved most, what I was most passionate about. Heck, this is where I discovered new sides of myself, where I found out what kind of person I wanted to be. I started to listen more, question my own viewpoint more frequently, reassess my priorities from time to time. I have experienced many different ways of having fun here. Over the years, I went through the entire spectrum of, well, being Kengo. I went from being the excessively serious guy to memelord, realizing there’s nothing wrong with being both. I have learned valuable lessons. For example, that people I personally don’t get along with can still be great people. For example, that enjoying things with others is simply on a different level compared to enjoying stuff by yourself. It really enhances your experience. For example, that passion is a product of effort - not the other way around. That is something I have experienced with my own body during the Winter Festival. The Kaza events made me take part in activities I probably never would have attempted otherwise, like being on podcast, or a chorus or doing some voice acting for a silly little fandub.
What I did on Kaza were without a doubt the most fulfilling activities in my life so far.
There was a lot of “I” and “me” in this post, but none of these memories would have ever been created without you who share them with me. Heck, the Naoki_Saten you know may only exist here and only thanks to you guys. And thanks you shall receive.
Thank you, @Aspirety, for putting up with me when I was at my worst and acknowledging me when I was at my best. Thank you for creating, maintaining and protecting this place we call our home for years despite the toll it has taken on you. Thank you for organizing countless events.
Thank you, @Pepe, for listening to me when I was at my most desperate. Thank you for being THE SUN when it came to setting the mood on Kaza for years.
Thank you, @liclac, for managing the technical side of things, offering so much of your time and proffessional skills so that random people on the internet could have a unique place to meet.
Thank you, @Takafumi and @HeliosAlpha for always keeping the discussions going, always introducing new information, new viewpoints to the talk. You guys are extremely knowledgeable about so many things, making every conversation a learning experience.
Thank you, @BlackHayate02 and @Hardscope for doing a great job and maintaining a good atmosphere.
Thank you, team VitaminC: @Celeskastel @AustinDoujin @ArtiFedEx @BeanCurd @Mogaoscar @cjlim2007 @KaiMiang @Meyvol
You guys are the craziest and most motivated team I’ve ever been part of. I couldn’t possibly imagine a more fun and fulfilling way to end a year and begin a new one than to tackle all kinds of activities with a squad that gives it 110% in all of them (and bitterly agonizes over that one event we didn’t do).
Thank you, @Bizkitdoh , @Yerian and other veterans who departed on their own Journeys at some point. We’ve shared some awesome memories back in the “good old days”. I miss you guys.
Thank you, @StarfishBender and other active members for keeping the fire burning. Nowadays, our interactions are mostly on the chat where I’m far less active, but it’s fun.
Thank you, @grooven and other members who participated in podcasts with me.
Thank you, members I’ve occasionally had a personal chat with.
Sorry for always being a downer, but I feel like I have gained so much here and given back too little. I have taken Kaza for granted. I truly believed it could keep going forever. I should have done more for the community, volunteered more instead of mostly just helping myself to the banquet. I should’ve opened up to others more. After all, to this day, nobody even knows what I look like. Albeit too late, I am really glad I’ve taken one more step to opening up by participating in the Secret Santa event for the first time. Don’t mind me, though. Being a pessimist and a notorious procrastinator, I will never not have regrets. And being a perfectionist, I’ll never not look back and think “Damn, I should’ve said ‘this’, mentioned ‘that’ member and formulated ‘these’ parts differently in my open letter!”
Kazamatsuri is home. It is the place we belong, the place could return to for years. Leaving it means not only loss, but also that we’ll never be the same. What brought us together were stories from Key. They are thought-provoking. They teach us the importance of love. They teach us about life itself. And they capture our hearts to the point where the sadness of fictional scenes makes us cry. It was not just the material, but also the lessons Key taught us that made our community what it is. We were brought together here because we share the same values. And from the bottom of my heart, I am proud of being part of this family.
You are the memelord
) I nearly quit several times after butting heads with people I now call my friends. I could never leave, though, because on some deep level I understood how special this community is. It took me a while, but through lots of self-reflection and support from some community members, I got my stuff together. That time was a lesson that’s helped me not only on Kazamatsuri, but in life. In a very direct way, this community has contributed to my growth and development as a person. Thank you.
and music of many other countries and styles) really was, and how embarrassing it was that I only truly knew one language. In some parts because of Key and Kaza, in the Vitamin C “just get it done” way, I decided to stop making excuses and learn a new language and gain new experiences and perspective in life.
everyone.
